my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
the condom got lost in my hair
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
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