Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Randomize
