I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Randomize
