Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
