is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
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come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
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Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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