I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
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I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Did I show you my penis last night?
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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