Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
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