Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
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Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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