Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
