She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
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