i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
