She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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