last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
