your room smells of hookers.
And success
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
