drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.