just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
25 People Confess Their Favorite Way To Annoy Their Significant Other
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
These 21 Women Share What Sexual Harassment In The Military Is Really Like
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.