I hate your face
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?