marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
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please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
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That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.