so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
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You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
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I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.