Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Will exercising make me less horny?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
