she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
