i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
