Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I just googled if crying burns calories
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
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