there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
