whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
