this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
