You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
