glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
