when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
The air was thick with penises
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
