Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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