I met the friendliest cop last night
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
