you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
