he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
