i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
We have so much sex to catch up on
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
