Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
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