So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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