My friends, they love my intelligence
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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