You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
