Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
