I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
