Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Randomize
