Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
