It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
