I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
