oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
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