I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
