I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Randomize
