I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Randomize
