I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Barsexuality is the new black.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
