Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
