Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize