I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
My sheets look like a crime scene.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I want her autograph on my taint
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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