Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
