He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
are you so shy because you have an std?
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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