HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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