my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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