does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
When did angry sex become our thing?
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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