I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
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