my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
