i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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