I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize