I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize